5.12.2012

Dear Future First Time Mom,

I (Elizabeth) wanted to reach out to all of you ladies out there that want to shoot the TV every time a Mother's Day commercial comes on, maybe kick a pregnant lady in the uterus, unfriend any Facebook friend that is pregnant and posting ultra sound pics and the progression of their pregnancies, or maybe you are more like Jesus then me and you just feel sad when you come across any of these visuals.

I remember last Mothers Day I was in Seattle and I was dreading going to church with my best friend because I knew it would be focused on mothers...and I wasn't one. I woke up crying, cried through the service, and cried throughout the day.

Jason and been trying to conceive for over 2 years, went through 6 months of unsuccessful fertility drugs, and had a miscarriage. I couldn't understand why Jesus wouldn't let me get pregnant. Why were people around me who didn't want a baby getting pregnant? Or horny teens getting pregnant?  Or what about those that get pregnant their first month trying? All of these questions I would cry out and sometimes scream out to God, what was wrong with me that He wouldn't entrust me with a child??

And then came Weiland :) We were told it would take around a year to adopt a newborn baby, 2 weeks later the call came. In less than 24 hours, Jason and I were driving home with a tiny baby boy in our back seat.

If we did not miscarry, we would not have Weiland. If our fertility treatments were successful, we would not have Weiland. I am in love with this little boy. He has rocked our world in every sense of the word. Weiland has been WORTH THE WAIT, tears, sleepless nights, screaming sessions with God, and depths of depression.

I do have a regret though, as hard as it was, I wish so bad that I would have trusted more, embraced the days more, and enjoyed my marriage more. I was so consumed with becoming a mom that I believe that I missed out on a lot in those 2 1/2 years. One thing I am so thankful for is that God was so patient and gracious and loving with me. In my darkest, saddest days He provided encouragement in ways that only He can.

So, to you soon to be moms out there, Happy Mother's Day! Embrace today. Your day is coming! When you look into the eyes of your baby all of this hard crap will be worth it! In the meantime, sleep...go on spontaneous dates with your man, go to the movies, and smile a lot! :) Life is short and before you know it, you will have your baby and your life will never be the same again. Jesus knows what He is doing and His timing is perfect...if this pisses you off, Im sorry, I know it can sound cliche', but it is so true! I can  honestly tell you that I am thankful for my miscarriage and those years of pain. Weiland makes it all worth it, and your baby will too :)

2 comments:

  1. so well said my dear! I agree, go on LOTS of dates!! :0)

    ReplyDelete